"I wonder if there’s something essentially wrong with me. How can I hurt someone that I claim to love so much? Why am I doing this? How did we get to this point?"
Told mostly in Cathy's POV alternating past and present. But we also get a couple of chapters on Ben's and Arsen's view.
The book evoked so many heartbreaking emotions in me. From the very start I already felt my heart hammering, anticipating the pain it would feel. I knew then that this book will leave me broken but will also leave me with great lessons in marriage. I felt pain and regret at the same time because the situations in the book are all so real and because it really happens in real life where we inadvertently take advantage of our loved ones.
The book describes the typical issues that long time, childless or bored married couples encounter. How to keep the passion from dying. How to be both lovers and friends inside the marriage. How to be in love, feel love and be friends in a snap.
The heroin Cathy is a broken being. No matter how she tried to hide it. She is depressed, always questioning her self worth, she has insecurities made worse by their inability to conceive. She's grieving. Her grief is killing her and her marriage. She needs therapy. She needs help but she doesn't know how to ask it. When she tried to express her feelings to Ben he shot her down as being negative. She needs understanding. She needs to communicate.
Others may feel hate for her, but i couldn't, instead I felt sorry for her. She felt alone. Who wouldn't feel broken when her dreams are taken away from her repeatedly. Who wouldn't be broken emotionally, psychologically, mentally and physically when only miracle can cure you.
Sometimes I feel like I wanted to shake her or slap her when she keeps doing insensitive things when she knows she should'nt but still she does it. She takes Ben for granted, she knows it's wrong but still she does it. She finds herself in situations where she needs to do or say something but she can't or won't. She's in denial that her flirty banters with Arsen is borderline not innocent.
In fairness to cathy, at about 10% of the book, I noticed the change in her demeanor from the past to present. Her past is a likeable and funny character. I smile at her inner musings of the slutty cathy, I could relate since all of us has a bit of a slutty cathy inside our heads. She was also more straightforward and upfront, no BS kind of girl in the past. I also liked it when she is feisty. You will notice the change in her in the present chapters. You will feel her depression and grief. I really felt sad for her.
I loved Ben instantly. I truly felt his and Cathy's pain because their issues hit close to home. I loved him from the first time they met. I felt the attraction from their first meeting and how strongly they feel for each other. He is thoughtful, hot, funny, playful, alpha male in bed. I feel bad that he wouldn't talk to her when something's bothering him. He distances himself from Cathy. He only started to push Cathy to communicate when it's already too late, she's too far gone.
When another inevitable thing happened, I cried for Cathy. I felt her pain. I understand why she wanted to be numb. Losing something repeatedly will break you. I felt bad for Ben as well. He's also grieving but there's no one for him, his wife certainly couldn't do anything as she needs help as well. He must continue to be strong for his wife. They're both broken.
Cathy's grief made her the selfish and emotionless bitch. She hates herself and she does things to hate herself more. Somehow I understood where she's coming from despite how sick the situation is, I get how she found herself longing for someone else, longing for the passion and romance, because in reality when life deals you with the same fate as Cathy's, the romance becomes clinical and scheduled and most of the time you are working through it with a doctor.
Ben and Cathy forgot to be friends. Forgot to talk, communicate and let each other help each other and not push each other away. They forgot the romance and the passion.
Arsen is hot and dangerous. He makes you feel young again. Sexy playboy. Hard to resist. Playful, similar to the young Ben. I feel bad for him because somehow Cathy used him to forget her problems. Have noticed the difference in perspective between the older and younger, during Arsen and Cathy's interactions. I really felt his attraction to her. He's trying to fight it but it was too strong. But I also couldn't hate him as I should because he exhibited true love and unselfishness by doing something right despite it being too late. I'm hoping that maybe in another book we ge to read how he moves on.
I really loved this book. The situations are relatable. It's happening to married couples. It gives us insights from both sides. It helps us understand issues with marriage and maybe in a way teach us on how to deal with it. The book also made us understand how broken people can do such things and what drives to to it. I read this book twice and still I'm left with a hangover. I've almost highlighted the whole book and I'll be sharing some of the great quotes from this book.
This book is highly recommended. Those who loved the series The Spiral of Bliss will also love this as there aren't many books that deals with marriage.
